Episode 100 Transcript
Episode 100: Welcome Aboard the Bargarean Jade Ambassador PLECK DECKSETTER meets his intrepid crew as they prepare for their journey to the remote and mysterious ZYXX QUADRANT. Who’s ready to go to the ass end of space? NARRATOR: The period of civil war has ended. The rebels have defeated the evil Galactic Monarchy and established the harmonious Federated Alliance. It’s totally less evil. Now, to restore diplomatic relations between systems, the Federated Alliance has deployed teams of ambassadors throughout the galaxy. The Alliance’s newest recruit, a young farm boy named Pleck Decksetter steps aboard the starship Bargarean Jade to embark on his first diplomatic mission. A mission to echoing Zyxx. music fades into space hangar noises PLECK: Wow. The Bargarean Jade. CLINT: Get down on the ground. PLECK: stammering Oh. Yeah. CLINT: Get down on the ground! PLECK: Okay, okay! CLINT: Present your identification. PLECK: quietly Okay, okay, here you go. CLINT: You’re an ambassador? PLECK: Yeah. Yeah. CLINT: And this is your ship? PLECK: rambling Well, I mean, it’s not my ship, it’s a ship that I-- I mean, I’m gonna be-- CLINT: annoyed Is it your ship or is it not your ship? PLECK: Yes, it’s the ship that I’m gonna be-- yeah. CLINT: Get on the ship, Ambassador Decksetter. PLECK: in bewilderment I’m trying! Why did you stop me? CLINT: warming up noises Ambassador, I’m gonna shoot you if you don’t get on the ship. PLECK: Okay! I’m going! CLINT: All hail the Federated Alliance. PLECK: Yeah. All hail the Federated Alliance. doors open, Pleck sighs in relief, ship doors close PLECK: Hello? whirring noises C-53: Welcome, Ambassador Pleck Decksetter. I am C-53, protocol and relations droid. PLECK: noises Very nice! Hello, C-53, I am Ambassador Pleck Decksetter! laugh C-53: whirring Were you doing my voice back to me? PLECK: No! C-53: Doing an impression of me? PLECK: No, no no no no. No, I was just-- I’m just very happy to have a title. So your job is, like, to help me prepare for the mission, then? C-53: That is correct. PLECK: Great. Uh, what-- what’s the mission, again? C-53: Oh. They haven’t told you yet? PLECK: Uh, not in so many words. C-53: Well, we are going to the Zyxx quadrant. Are you familiar? PLECK: Uh, nnno. doors open DAR: Who’s ready to go to the ass end of space? C-53: Allow me to introduce you to our security officer, Dar. PLECK: laughing Oh, wow! You are enormous! C-53: whirring Ambassador Decksetter-- DAR: in disbelief Wow. C-53: Perhaps do not begin conversations with addressing someone’s size immediately. PLECK: I’m sorry. I just-- DAR: Listen, Plock. Here’s everything you need to understand. stammers a correction of his name, but Dar talks over him I’m not gonna ask you to deny it. You’re gonna be wildly attracted to me. And I will NEVER sleep with you. PLECK: bewildered Okay. I’m really glad you cleared that up, because I wouldn’t have thought about it that way. But I’m glad you preempted that. Do those-- are those fangs, or are they-- DAR: These are talons. PLECK: Wow. All over your-- DAR: Chest? PLECK: Yeah. DAR: Yes. PLECK: That’s really-- DAR: In fact, if you push me right here-- ‘shwing!’ noise PLECK: Wow! DAR: Mm-hmm. PLECK: I’m gonna keep my distance from you, Dar, but I like the cut of your jib. BARGIE: groaning noise I woke up from a nap and there’s somebody new inside of me, who’s there? Oh, you’re the new guy, right? DAR: Yeah. Bargie, meet Plock. PLECK: Uh, it’s Pleck, actually. BARGIE: Hi, Plop, how you doin’? I’m Bargie. I’m the ship. PLECK: laughing No, my name is not Plop. BARGIE: I know you know who I am. It is an honor for you to meet me, I know. PLECK: It’s great to meet you, like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to call her this Bargie. Where should I look when I’m talking to you? BARGIE: I don’t-- C-53: Why would you need to look in a specific direction? PLECK: I just want to make-- BARGIE: Wow. PLECK: I just want to connect with the ship. BARGIE: Wow. C-53: You’re in the ship. DAR: You’re inside of Bargie. C-53: Everywhere you look is Bargie. DAR: What was training like for you? PLECK: My training process was brief. They are desperate for applicants. ping noise C-53: Ambassador Decksetter, I have an incoming transmission from Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermut Bundaloy. opening noise NERMUT: Crew! Team! Guys! crew greets Nermut Mission number one, here we go! PLECK: I cannot wait. NERMUT: So, you know, I’m excited because we’re going to Zyxx, because it is a special quadrant. C-53: It is indeed special. cheerful for this information An uncommon number of people have died horrible deaths there in the last three years. PLECK: Oh, wow. Interesting. NERMUT: I actually had to pull a lot of secret strings to get you guys to be able to go there, because it is, I would say, very-- DAR: Shitty. NERMUT: --cool. sigh You’re good. I like you. We’re gonna make this happen. crew makes noises of agreement C-53: Agreed. We will make this happen. doors open, CLINT storms in, gun warming up noises CLINT: Ambassador Decksetter! PLECK: What? CLINT: Get down on the ground! makes bewildered noises Get down on the ground! What are you still doing in the hangar? PLECK: We’re just getting ready to-- CLINT: There’s like six ships behind you! PLECK: Okay, okay! CLINT: Get out of here! All hail the Federated Alliance. crew parrots back ‘All hail the Federated Alliance C-53: Mission to Zyxx, an improvised science fiction podcast. That’s Z-Y-X-X. Launching September 6th. music Category:Transcripts Category:Season 1